It has been a while. Going back to school has taken a toll on my ability to write frequently. I’m working on some solutions to this. I hope to have some exciting news soon.
This past weekend my family and I visited the Oklahoma City Memorial, with family in Oklahoma it was not our first trip, it was however our first trip when our youngest would understand more about the events of April 19, 1995. While there on an office building wall, that is now the museum, and across from the survivor tree, the following words grabbed my whole family’s attention. “Team 5 4-19-95 We search for the truth We seek justice The courts require it The victims cry for it And God demands it!” These words were written by a team who had been searching through rubble looking for survivors from the blast that destroyed the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building next door.
The devastation is not as public and does not get the wall to wall news coverage that such an act like the Oklahoma City bombing received, but to those affected, the impact is the equivalent of a bomb going off in a survivor’s life. Unless you have been living under a rock, the news has been full of the accounts of those who have been abused. The unfortunate fact is that if child molestation got the coverage that other terrorist acts receive at the first accusation, so many more would be aware, and perhaps we would be farther along the way to more prevention. The reality is, we don’t have many good watchmen but rather bad watchmen that don’t sound the alarm.
Unfortunately, families and churches are notorious for covering the events up, and worse yet, victim shaming survivors to the point that they no longer desire to come forward. As survivors seek justice, they are hindered. The courts still require justice through the offense being reported although so many efforts to cover up are made. Those victims who wish to turn in the one who offended cry out for justice, and yes God demands it. The quote painted on the wall across from the survivor tree seemed rather fitting.
The survivor tree… this elm tree was shown in multiple photographs surrounded by burning cars and rubble and chaos following the attack on the Murrah building. Many did not know what would happen to it, but it survived, and now it thrives. It is likely one of the most cared for elm trees in the U.S. A beautiful testament to standing up to adversity this tree provides and incredible amount of shade to those visiting it. Survivors may not know why things have or are happening the way that they are, but like the survivor tree they once again can thrive after abuse with the proper self-care. When put in a positive environment, survivors of abuse often rise above and can provide relief to those struggling in the heat of the battle of dealing with abuse. They understand what others being abused are going through and for their need to not feel like the only one.
I do not wish to take anything away from the Oklahoma City Memorial and what it honors, reminds, and reflects on. There was a different lens used on this trip to the memorial, and the reminder that evil, no matter how public or private its manifestation, has a very similar reaction by those dealing with the aftermath. Where these two events depart is when justice becomes involved. There was a very public outcry of individuals that wanted Timothy McVeigh to pay the ultimate price for his act of terror. However, in situations of child sexual abuse, very often the parents of the child are asked to keep calm, forgive, and to be reasonable prior to being able to process what happened to their family. Once the child reaches a certain age, they are then asked to forgive as well. The forgiveness that is asked for from parents and children alike is not a healthy release of no longer wishing ill and keeping a safe physical and psychological distance. The forgiveness that is asked, or often demanded is the unrealistic, let’s behave like we did before all of this happened. This is often done because the individual committing the abuse was known to you and your child before the abuse occurred.
So many parallels can be drawn between the Oklahoma City bombing and acts of abuse carried out on our children. It is unfortunate that our dealing with the aftermath, what some families must go through as they establish new boundaries along where the debris of broken relationships lie. Sometimes being a good watchman goes beyond working to identify patterns and prevent the abuse of your child, often it is navigating to physical and psychological safety after abuse.