Today, I would like to consider differences in the way men and women think about and respond to sexual assault and discuss whether that has an impact the kind of watchmen we have in the church. Recently, a friend of mine shared an experiment from a book called The Macho Paradox: Why Some Men Hurt Women and How All Men Can Help by Jackson Katz, PhD. I’d like to try the same experiment on you – the readers.

I’m going to start by asking our male readers to answer this question: What steps do you take, daily, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted? Feel free to use the comment section to write your answer. If you do leave a comment, please indicate that you are a man.

Now, I would like to ask our female readers to answer the same question: What steps do you take, daily, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted?” Again, feel free to use the comment section to write your answer. Please indicate that you are a woman.

I am a woman, so I’ll use this opportunity to tell you some of the steps that I take.

• I hold my keys as a weapon.
• I look in the back seat of the car before getting in.
• I always carry my cell phone.
• If I go running in the dark, it is always in a group and in a very well lit and heavily populated area.
• I wear only one earbud when running.
• I carry mace or pepper spray.
• I park in well-lit areas.
• I am mindful about what I wear.
• I lock all the doors and windows when I sleep, and double check to make sure they are locked before going to bed.
• I use a home security system.
• I avoid highway rest areas.
• I avoid being alone with any man that is not my husband, even men that I know very well.
• I lock my car doors as soon as I get in the car.
• When leaving the house, I don’t open my garage door until my car doors are locked, and I make sure my garage door closes all the way before pulling out of the driveway.
• When returning home, I make sure the garage door is closed all the way before getting out of my car.

My guess is that many men don’t think about protecting themselves from sexual assault on a daily basis, but that for most women, it has become second nature. Here is what Dr. Katz has to say about his experiment:

I draw a line down the middle of a chalkboard, sketching a male symbol on one side and a female symbol on the other side. Then I ask just the men: “What steps do you guys take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted?” At first, there is kind of an awkward silence as the men try to figure out if they’ve been asked a trick question. The silence gives way to a smattering of nervous laughter. Occasionally, a young guy will raise his hand and say, “I stay out of prison.” This is typically followed by another moment of laughter before someone finally raises his hand and soberly states, “Nothing. I don’t think about it.”

Then I ask the women the same question. “What steps to you take, on a daily basis, to prevent yourselves from being sexually assaulted?” Women throughout the audience immediately start raising their hands. As the men sit in stunned silence, the women recount safety precautions they take as a part of daily routine.

This experiment was an eye-opener for me. Protecting myself is so ingrained in what I do, and it never occurred to me that men don’t do the same things because they don’t perceive the same threats.

Now for the million-dollar question: What does this experiment have to do with being a good watchman or preventing and stopping sexual abuse in our churches? At first glance, this experiment may not seem like it has much to do with being a good watchman at all. However, when I read about this experiment, it made me start thinking of how differently men think about and even respond to sexual assault. That is a big a problem, especially when our churches are led by men. Because many men don’t perceive sexual assault or sexual abuse as a personal threat, they may not know the first thing about being a watchman or about spotting the threat to women and children in their families or in their churches. Therefore, it is essential that the men – especially those that are shepherding the flocks at our churches – receive special training on how to spot the threat, how to stop it, how to prevent it, and how to stand up for those who experience it.

Our website – ezekiel33project.org – has a wealth of information on the subject and can be a powerful resource for your church. You may also want to read Steve Black’s book titled What Kind of Watchman Are You? This book is a great resource for all men in leadership positions within their churches because it deals with the issue of child sexual abuse, exposing the tactics often employed by abusers and bullies and discusses what can be done to reduce the number of survivors each predator has before being stopped.

Men, don’t let differences in the way you think about and respond to sexual assault prevent you from being the best watchman you can be. Your families and your churches need you to do whatever it takes.