Tag Archives: Abuse

What’s the gameplan?

gameplanGameplan. Plans are things that we make in preparation for an event. Games are things we play, sometimes against a rival or adversary for recreation. If we put these two terms together we get the term “gameplan”.

A gameplan is defined as, a strategy worked out in advance, especially in sports, politics, or business.

When looking at the definition of gameplan, it does not have to be a game being played. Politics can be far beyond a game, often politics is quite adversarial.

Knowing that a gameplan is not only for recreational pursuits, shouldn’t one have a gameplan for protecting those around them?

The failure to have a plan when any event occurs, often leads to emotional decision making. Proverbs 21:5 tells us, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.” When one allows emotion to decide, the decisions made are often far less intelligent than decisions are made when there is more objectivity and far less emotion.

Unfortunately, child sexual abuse with all of its prevalence, remains a taboo topic in our families and our churches. With one in six being abused before the age of eighteen, why the silence? The only ones benefitting from the silence are those who abuse or hide the abuse. If this is the case, Why the silence? No gameplan.

This is not a fun topic, it might be about as much fun as discussing life insurance, but a plan of what to do if something happens to one of your children or a child you know can make the difference. The difference is between the abuse of others continuing and the abuse coming to a halt. So, what should the plan be? For starters, wouldn’t obedience to the law be the minimum? This would put one on the correct side of the first part of Romans 13.

When it comes to those in your care, having a gameplan prevents others from preventing you from following the law. Think it does not happen? Child sexual assault one of the most underreported crimes in America today. Why? Predators are masters at deception and fooling many around them.

If you don’t have a gameplan consider one. You will make better decisions if you do.

 

The Grandiose Narcissist

The grandiose narcissist can be a very dangerous person to have your children around. A narcissist is incapable of reacting appropriately to others pain or discomfort, and a grandiose individual is one who is impressive, larger than life, easily attracting a crowd or following. James Martin in his November 13, 2011 article in americanmagazine.org indicates that research has been done in the Catholic sex abuse scandal indicating that there were two common traits among the priests that had been removed. Why is this concoction so concerning? We are not looking for a shady person hanging around a city park, the more likely scenario is these are people you already know and have access to your children.

If one is paying attention they have seen similar situations on the news. Often after an arrest some reporter will roam a neighborhood getting the opinions of neighbors. Most of the answers the reporter will get is that the person arrested was a great person and that they had no idea, and state that the offender loved children and would never harm a child. Many will mention the individuals volunteer efforts and even express that they don’t believe that the accused was capable of abusing a child. The grandiose narcissist is easily liked and can easily fool others to what they are really about.

It is extremely difficult to identify an individual in a child’s life that has these characteristics. Most coaches, many teachers, ministers, and family members can be viewed as grandiose by a child therefore your child wants to be around them. As a watchman have you noticed any boundaries being crossed in these relationships? A boundary being crossed can be an honest mistake or ignorance, but it can also be a telltale sign that your child is being groomed. When a boundary is crossed check the individual, look into their behaviors. If things begin to appear to be all about them, perhaps contact should be limited or ended.

When those that believe the grandiose persona more than the victim a tremendous injustice to the victim occurs. Often an accused molester will utilize pity as a defense mechanism which feeds his narcissism, but also removes focus from the victim.

Good watchmen will look for the small signs that a predator may be grooming a victim and do what they can to prevent abuse from occurring. In addition, a good watchman will not allow the pity card to be played by an abuser to the point that the voice of the abused falls silent.