If you are a survivor of abuse, you need to hear three things.
You did not do anything to deserve this. God loves you and hates sin. He did not have this happen to you. “God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone” (James 1:13). “God is light, and in Him there is no darkness at all” (1 John 1:5). What happened to you was evil and since God cannot be near evil, He is not the one to blame.
You are not responsible for this happening to you. This did not happen to you because of what you were wearing. It certainly didn’t happen because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time. It had nothing to do with where you were but rather where your abusers heart was.
You are not damaged goods. Listen to those words, repeat them aloud. “I’m not damaged goods.” What happened to you was the product of someone caving to a sick temptation. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. God has plans for you and this is not what He wanted for you. What happened to you was not His plan.
These are things that are difficult to believe at first, and may even be so for many years. It is our prayer that you will discover those that will show you that these three things are true.
The grandiose narcissist can be a very dangerous person to have your children around. A narcissist is incapable of reacting appropriately to others pain or discomfort, and a grandiose individual is one who is impressive, larger than life, easily attracting a crowd or following. James Martin in his November 13, 2011 article in americanmagazine.org indicates that research has been done in the Catholic sex abuse scandal indicating that there were two common traits among the priests that had been removed. Why is this concoction so concerning? We are not looking for a shady person hanging around a city park, the more likely scenario is these are people you already know and have access to your children.
If one is paying attention they have seen similar situations on the news. Often after an arrest some reporter will roam a neighborhood getting the opinions of neighbors. Most of the answers the reporter will get is that the person arrested was a great person and that they had no idea, and state that the offender loved children and would never harm a child. Many will mention the individuals volunteer efforts and even express that they don’t believe that the accused was capable of abusing a child. The grandiose narcissist is easily liked and can easily fool others to what they are really about.
It is extremely difficult to identify an individual in a child’s life that has these characteristics. Most coaches, many teachers, ministers, and family members can be viewed as grandiose by a child therefore your child wants to be around them. As a watchman have you noticed any boundaries being crossed in these relationships? A boundary being crossed can be an honest mistake or ignorance, but it can also be a telltale sign that your child is being groomed. When a boundary is crossed check the individual, look into their behaviors. If things begin to appear to be all about them, perhaps contact should be limited or ended.
When those that believe the grandiose persona more than the victim a tremendous injustice to the victim occurs. Often an accused molester will utilize pity as a defense mechanism which feeds his narcissism, but also removes focus from the victim.
Good watchmen will look for the small signs that a predator may be grooming a victim and do what they can to prevent abuse from occurring. In addition, a good watchman will not allow the pity card to be played by an abuser to the point that the voice of the abused falls silent.