All posts by steve.e.black@gmail.com

Predictable

Predictable is where one can foresee what will happen. Fighters that have tells, they telegraph what they will do in a given situation, if studied, an opponent can come up with a counter to the predictable move. Football teams can become predictable if they have a play that the coaching staff prefers. The opposing team through studying the preferred plays, will design a defensive strategy to stop the preferred play. The team will continue running the play until the opposing defense stops the opponents preferred play.

For the last several years since starting the Ezekiel 33 Project, one thing that has become evident is most situations in dealing with child abuse and molestation, what happens is predictable. There is no doubt that there is limited information circulating on the topic because the tactics are almost all identical. Meaning, those opposing those abusing our children have not come up with an effective counter to the techniques they use to gain sympathies of larger groups.

Most situations involve someone who many like and prefer that their children spend time with. When the individual is reported, they will point out all of the “good” they do and rally their allies. In addition to pointing out how good they are, they will also minimize the event where suspicion was raised. Others will be glad that an individual was reported indicating the suspicion was not a one-time thing as many abusers will add to their defense if they go so far to admit even a portion of what was done. As this happens their allies (flying monkeys) will make things difficult for those who reported the incident.

Predictable. No matter where an incident happens. What will happen to those who make an attempt at doing good is unfortunate and predictable.

How does one counter such tactics taken by abusers and their flying monkeys? Resolve. Be predictable in your own way. Be known for taking an unwavering stance in protecting those who don’t have a voice. Understand that relationships change in light of reporting such an event. Know that doing so is the right thing to do regardless of the social consequences or the result of an investigation. Each event of abuse only has a conviction rate of approximately .24% so do not be disheartened when the flying monkeys bring back the fact that an individual was not convicted. Often the flying monkeys do not know the details of what you witnessed that sprung you to action.

It is not a watchman’s job to listen to the “why” of an incident that they reported. If they witness someone climbing a fence to get into a facility in the middle of the night, they report it and move on it was their job to do so.  Reporting abuse makes it more difficult than a watchman guarding a facility because 90% of the time the watchman knows the individual he is reporting. Understanding that when abuse occurs that a switch must be flipped to prevent emotion from entering the equation and relying on the facts of a situation can help with resolve.

The reason why abusers and their allies continue with the same tactics is because they have not experienced an effective counter to their tactic. Therefore, they will continue using them until they are countered effectively. They know emotion and relationships will be what keeps them from being turned in. Often the resolve of those reporting abuse is broken as the social pressure is increased. If the resolve is not broken, what happens? The social consequences are the same if one backs down or stays diligent. Be diligent, be unwavering, be the good watchman.

Universal Precautions

With another page turned on the calendar and we race towards the end of the year there will be several events coming up where our children will likely be in many more social situations with different people than normal. Universal precautions should be utilized to protect them from grooming, or molestation. These precautions include the understanding that each individual involved with your child has a role, and with each role there are boundaries that you are within your right to define and you child has the right to add even more boundaries if they choose.

For example: Your extended family may be very close, and you are more involved with their lives. For those who are close you may allow car rides, movies, and other recreational activities. However, if you have the one family member that only shows up a few times in a decade although there is a familial bond, there should be a different set of boundaries.

The comparisons in the example above are stark however the principal holds true in all aspects of our lives. Our child’s doctor has different boundaries than a coach. A friend’s parents may have different boundaries than the grandparents may have. Some of your close personal friends may be more like family than your blood relatives therefore their boundaries may be less restrictive than with your blood relatives.

Consider the following statistics:

  • 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys are molested before the age of eighteen.
  • Ninety percent of all child molesters know the child they target.
  • 34% of children are molested by members of their family
  • 40% of molesters are under the age of eighteen
  • Only one in ten children who are molested will ever tell

These statistics are stable. Stable meaning, they are consistent across socioeconomic, racial, geographic, and religious lines.

We live in a good neighborhood, nothing like that would happen here…… No, it happens in your neighborhood.

My family is <insert your race here> we don’t have that problem…. No, it happens within your race.

We live in <insert your area of the country here> we are safe here…. No, it happens in your state, county, town

We are not religious, so we have nothing to worry about…. No, it happens with all beliefs including those who have no belief

We attend <insert church affiliation here> so it isn’t a problem…. No, it is happening in the church you attend.

We need good watchmen in our lives. Are you one of them?

Sources:

  • American Society for the Positive Care of Children
  • Darkness to Light

What’s the gameplan?

gameplanGameplan. Plans are things that we make in preparation for an event. Games are things we play, sometimes against a rival or adversary for recreation. If we put these two terms together we get the term “gameplan”.

A gameplan is defined as, a strategy worked out in advance, especially in sports, politics, or business.

When looking at the definition of gameplan, it does not have to be a game being played. Politics can be far beyond a game, often politics is quite adversarial.

Knowing that a gameplan is not only for recreational pursuits, shouldn’t one have a gameplan for protecting those around them?

The failure to have a plan when any event occurs, often leads to emotional decision making. Proverbs 21:5 tells us, “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.” When one allows emotion to decide, the decisions made are often far less intelligent than decisions are made when there is more objectivity and far less emotion.

Unfortunately, child sexual abuse with all of its prevalence, remains a taboo topic in our families and our churches. With one in six being abused before the age of eighteen, why the silence? The only ones benefitting from the silence are those who abuse or hide the abuse. If this is the case, Why the silence? No gameplan.

This is not a fun topic, it might be about as much fun as discussing life insurance, but a plan of what to do if something happens to one of your children or a child you know can make the difference. The difference is between the abuse of others continuing and the abuse coming to a halt. So, what should the plan be? For starters, wouldn’t obedience to the law be the minimum? This would put one on the correct side of the first part of Romans 13.

When it comes to those in your care, having a gameplan prevents others from preventing you from following the law. Think it does not happen? Child sexual assault one of the most underreported crimes in America today. Why? Predators are masters at deception and fooling many around them.

If you don’t have a gameplan consider one. You will make better decisions if you do.

 

Upcoming events

There are some upcoming events that need to be shared. The Ezekiel 33 Project has a couple of trips planned for this fall. Searcy, AR is the first stop.

  • Harding University Annual Fall Lectureship September 24-27
    • We will have a table set up in the Benson lobby come by and meet us.
    • If you don’t have a copy yet, we will have several of copies of, “What Kind of Watchman Are You?” available.
    • Monday, September 25 @ 1 and 2pm Steve Black will be a panelist on the “Predators in the Pews” discussion in McInteer 145.

I believe you

It is a powerful statement. It is a declaration that the individual that just received surprising or shocking information believes the information to be true and that they stand with the person who delivered the information. In the case of the survivor of sexual abuse, the person hearing the shocking news may be the first time the survivor spoke of what happened to them.

I Corinthians 13:7 states, “Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

I believe you is a declaration that the survivor will not face the coming days alone.

I believe you means that the survivor will not navigate the justice system alone.

I believe you is the statement that the lies the survivor was told if they ever spoke up were just that, lies.

I believe you is telling the survivor that their voice matters in what happened to them.

I believe you means you listen to the survivor over the excuses of a perpetrator.

I believe you is a statement of love.

Big Announcement

I am happy to announce some big news! My posts have been far fewer recently, and that is for a good reason. I have been writing a book. The book goes live on May 30th, but you can preorder it now! Those of you that have followed me for some time will recognize some of the text in the book because it started here with the blog.

We will continue to make posts here hopefully on a more regular basis going forward. Thank you for all of your encouraging words over time.

In the presence of a predator

Sheep will not remain still and get rest in the presence of a predator. When watchmen fail to remove the possibility of contact with a known predator, how can a survivor sit still, learn, heal, grow? Short answer, they won’t. Families, Churches, and Youth organizations need to know this and put good watchmen in place to protect those who are vulnerable in their midst.

Psalm 23

1The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.a
3He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousnessb
for his name’s sake.

4Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,c
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

5You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6Surelyd goodness and mercye shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwellf in the house of the LORD
forever.g

The best watchman found in scripture is the Lord himself (John 10). Looking at the first three verses of Psalm 23 one can see that the shepherd shows care for the sheep before anything concerning or questionable. In verse four it depicts the shepherd leading the sheep through a concerning place with the shepherd comforting the sheep on the journey through it. Then in verses five and six care is conveyed again.

When in the presence of a known predator, survivors are re-victimized. The predator and their flying monkeys go to work defending the indefensible. This is used to make those who take issue with the predator appear to be unreasonable.  This is a combination of techniques used by predators:  gaslighting, smear campaign, and the flying monkey. We need good watchmen to stand in the way of these practices. By doing so the watchman is giving the survivor green pasture and still waters, where they can rest, learn, heal, and grow. Does your family have good watchmen? Your church? If so great, are they training more?